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A generational podcast where three generations of Christian women share their thoughts about different issues and aspects of life. 

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THIS EPISODES TOPIC   Inspirations_0002 Generations- Stages

Graduating from college and starting a life on your own, giving away all of you belonging to enter assisted living, and preparing both of these generations with their stages in life. Each women discusses their stage in life and how they relate to each other. Women of all ages will find similarities to their stage in life. Hosts-Bridgette Mongeon-Christina Diliberto- Barbara Ingersoll SHOW NOTES
Chris 23 discusses going away to college, graduating, being on your own and breaking away. The emotions involved in the breaking away from your parents and the difficulty both for child and parent. She doesn't feel like she thought she would feel when being called "an adult.” And describes her stage as a journey toward her purpose.

Bridgette 47 Discusses being in the middle stage, trying to help her daughter as she enters adulthood, and her mother as she works through physical trauma losing her home and independence. She desires to look over her life and her accomplishments yet she knows she will soon enter her mothers stage of life losing those things that she has worked so hard for, as well as perhaps her health and longs to be prepared.

Barbara 72 Talks about having to give her belongings away to move into assisted living and the grieving process of letting go. She offers a prayer for all women, especially those who are hurting.All the women talk about the importance of finding a home church and the differences in the churches that each generation goes to. They offer suggestions for fellowship.Bridgette attends St. Alban's Episcopal Church in HoustonChris attends Church on the Move in TulsaBarbara attended Full Gospel Tabernacle in West New York but is presently praying that God will find a way for her to get to a church since her move. PLEASE NOTE: You will have to turn your volume up to hear this podcast. We are sorry for this technical difficulty, we are aware of it and hope to have this technical problem fixed in up and coming podcasts. Don't forget to turn your volume down after listening.

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Bridgette: Welcome to Generations podcast, where three generations of Christian women will be sharing their thoughts about different issues and aspects of life. Every woman that listens to this podcast is going through a stage or a change in their life. Today on Generations podcast, we will be sharing our thoughts about the stages in our lives.Perhaps you will see some similarities to your own stages. With me today I have my favorite women in my life who deserve all the love and respect I can give them. My two co-hosts, my daughter Christina from Oklahoma, and my mother, Barbara Ingersoll from NY.Welcome ladies.

Barbara: Hi,

Christina: Hi

Bridgette: Christina you are on your own. Can you tell us a bit about that stage?

Christina: I think the last two years has been like an—I don’t know—a trickle down of stages, going from one to another, quite rapidly.

I think there is a huge stage change when you go to college, which I’m done with now, but that is massive. It is such a different change from, if you go away to college, you leave your family, but you are still home for breaks, and it is kind of this limbo period where you are on your own but you are not.

The moment that you really go away on your own, especially if you move to a different city or even state than your family lives—it is this completely different moment.

There is all these emotions involved that I never really thought were involved, and it is funny because I talk to my friends who move away from the state where their parents are.Their parents are doing the exact same thing, Mom, that you did at this point.

It is almost amusing. I kind of coach them through it.You have to understand you are leaving your Mom. You’re their only child. You know she is going through some emotional stuff and she might sound a little crazy but you know it is because she loves you. It’s a big change and a big difference.

Bills are terrible, if we could not have bills, I would really be okay with that, but it is a learning experience, balancing your budget and your money, but I’m making more money than I ever made before. Sometimes I am able to buy things that I want; that’s kind of a new experience.

It is really interesting because I still have friends that are in the college stage. Seeing them progress and go through being on their own.

There is a little bit of a spiritual journey. There your trust relies much more on God than you ever thought it would, because there is a financial situation. Where do I go? What job do I have? Where do I live? All the way it kind of sounds silly right to should I buy this dining room table or not? Is this a good move? You kind of question yourself and then you question God too and you ask him. Am I supposed to move to Tulsa, Oklahoma? Is this really what You want?

One thing I learned in the last couple of years has been that we kind of make these plans and these things that we want to do and we prepare for them and we do all of these things and we plan for them and then God blows them out of the water, because a lot of time they are not exactly what He wants for us. And usually, what he wants for us, ends up being better. Sometimes it is a little harder but its cool. You kind of have to let go and not just plan everything out.

You really have to roll with the punches and roll with what God puts before you. And I think that is a really cool aspect of life. Just that, you know, we don’t really need to know every answer. We don’t have to know absolutely what is going to happen next and where we need to go.There is comfort. It is almost scary sometimes. There is comfort in knowing that God has a will and a way and a plan and that is a really cool thing that I have been learning right now.

That is kind of the gist of my transitional period right now.

I was at work the other day, and it is funny, a lot of my employees are still in high school. They’re younger I mean. One of my employees is my little brother’s age. You know it just blows my mind that I have these employees that are so much younger.

I put on a really old song on my I-pod and put it over the stereo system. I was like, this is for you guys. There is one girl my age that works for me and the other girl is just 16. The one girl that is my age and I are just jamming to it and laughing because its super old, and the one girl is shaking her head, I really don’t know what this song is about. And I was just like I am SO old. I just had this really old moment. It was terrible.

At the same time I don’t feel like an adult, I don’t feel like I thought I would feel. If that makes sense. I live on my own, I do all of these things, and I still goof around with my friends and I go do crazy things. We just have fun.I guess a lot of people have this stigma, that when you become an adult, you become serious and you don’t have fun anymore. But that is totally not the case.

It is entering adulthood and balancing responsibilities. I think it’s a journey toward my purpose and my desires, and recalling those. I don’t know if it has a general title because it is such a broad, crazy stage in life.

Bridgette: It is a huge stage. I think before we go on with anything else I would I would like to make some comments and some observations about what you said if that is okay.

Christina: Yes, that’s fine.

Bridgette: First of all I would like to say that, umm, I want to know how crazy I was when you left, was I really…

Christina: You definitely were a little crazy.

But I mean, it was…at the time it was hard and I was like I don’t understand. But when I came back, I talked to my roommate and she said, my Mom was crazy right before I left and I said mine was too. We both decided it is because you love us. It is hard to see your kid go away. It wasn’t like you were lighting things on fire and throwing things around. You were not super crazy or anything.

There is an emotional high that can, it can disrupt, you know, the flow of life, and I think at the time I didn’t know what was going on and I think in retrospect I see it.I can see it happening with my friends and their families and their parents.

My boyfriend is about to officially move away from his parents and his mom is having a really hard time, you know, and he is the only child. I was just like, be sensitive to it. I said I’m coming out in a week. I want you to be sure to go out with your Mom alone and spend time with her before I come out there and before you move back. He said, okay, okay.I think when you are in that stage, you don’t really get it. You know that is kind of how it was.

Bridgette: I am so glad. Good, be sensitive to the other generations, and if this podcast goes on long enough, we will be telling you, yes, we know what it is like when your child leaves, and you will go, “Oh my God, this is horrible. Oh my God.”

The other things I want to talk about is when you said, paying bills is horrible, and my theory on that is that when when Eve and Adam ate the apple and original sin came, God said you will have to pay bills and do home repairs. That is my thought about original sin.

You said you were learning to roll with the punches. That is really interesting. It could not have always been easy to roll with the punches, I guess. In the same instances you are talking about you thinking you need to go one way and God sending you another way, that it is not always an easy thing to go in another direction than what you set out to go.

Can you give me some things that maybe you did to help you through those difficult times?

Christina: I think I spent a lot of time outside. I know that sounds super silly. I spent a lot of time just basking in God’s creation.

That was the biggest thing for me—taking time to be quiet and still before God, which I think a lot of people don’t do. We keep going and going and pushing and pushing. If I go to this revival and I go and do this and I go do this. We are just so loud, that we miss it. And we are not quiet before God so we really don’t hear it.I had a really good support group. I had amazing friends, and I had an amazing family that really helped me and supported me to be sure that I was okay.

I think that it is huge to be still and quiet before God and having support and having God fearing people that are praying for you and supporting you and lifting you up.

And having people who have the guts to come to you and say, “How are you really?”You know you walk by somebody and you say hi, how are you, and they say I’m fine, I’m okay. It is a surface thing, but having friends that come up to and ask how are you really? Those are real friends. Those are true, intense, amazing friends.

Bridgette: Great. Gram, do you have any questions or comments on what Christina had to say?

Barbara: Yes, I really do. I am really proud of you Christina for telling Bill your boyfriend that you wanted him to go out with his Mom when he decided to move away from her. That is good. It is just a good thing to do, and it is good to hear you say that you are telling him to do that. That is one way that the wives influence the husband. Gently and subtly and easily and speaking the truth in love, I want you to go out with your Mom. I can’t congratulate you enough for saying that.

Christina: Ahh, thank you.

Barbara: And then you said something about going through that phase. We do. We all go through so many phases in our walk and our journey with the Lord where we are saying, is this gods will? Should I be moving to Oklahoma? Should I do this? What apartment do we take? Is this my job? Ta-da-ta-da. We all go through that phase. After a while, you said roll with the punches. I would never say it that way because I am 70 something. Roll with the punches is more like an acceptance. I’m at a place of acceptance in my life—and ahh…

Christina: Exactly.

Barbara: You are moving into that yourself, and that is good.

Bridgette: That is great, I’d like to share a little about my stages in life, but to be perfectly honestly, my stage is the middle stage. I’m in the stage of trying to help my daughter to be the best women she can be and encouraging my children to grow into loving and healthy adults and helping my mom with her stage with the difficulties of her health problems and her living situation. All of that is so, this is truly the middle stage. In this podcast, I would like to defer the two of you with your stages.

Barbara: Well right now, since I had mentioned in another podcast that I had broken both hips, I had to tear down my living space twice or three times, and keep cutting down until finally now, I am in assisted living, and I’m in one room, and this is a stage. And, it is another acceptance.

When I first moved here, I thought I could never live in just one room, but all you have to do is pray and ask God to help you change your heart, and He will. He will, and I love it here. I love it here. So the stage that I am in now, I would honestly say is a stage of peace and acceptance and joy. I don’t know how the Holy Spirit did that. I don’t know how He did that in spite of a lot of pain in my body, He brings me to this place in Christ where I am just settled and it is a good place to be.

Bridgette: I want to ask you a question because you said that one of the things that you had to do was—you had to cull down. You went from a bigger space to a smaller space. And contrary to what Christina is doing where she is gathering stuff, you are at a stage where you are letting go of things.I work with a lot of seniors and I watch them let go of things.

I remember taking one senior to a home, and we were reviewing different housing situations, and there was a lady there that said, I am hoping to get rid of all my responsibilities, I am lessoning myself of all responsibilities.I know one thing that you had to do—the boxes would come to you three at a time, and you had to go through all of them and distribute the items, and that must have been extremely difficult for you. Can you tell e a little about that?

Barbara: It really was because some of it had to just go, period. But I did have a dear friend, the same friend that started the support groups with me years ago. She said she would help to distribute whatever I couldn’t use to other people. The boxes came to me, and I would say it goes in the garbage, if it was really no good anymore, because I had tended to be a pack rat, which is over now. Or it goes to Sharon or I keep it. Out of each box I had to do that, and you can’t take forever thinking about it. You have to make decisions instantly.

But, it is a grieving process, because I was attached to the things because people gave them to me or they had sentimental value to me or things like that. So it was a grieving process to go through that 47 boxes that were in storage, but it is over now, and frankly I am very glad. As for getting rid of responsabilities as that lady said, I don’t think I can honestly say that you can ever get over being responsible. You can get over having things, but you can’t get over responsibilities, because you still have responsibility to other people. You still have responsibility to pay your bills, you still have a responsibility to keep up your day, and some days my body does hurt a lot, but I have made it my a choice to say when I leave this room, no matter what, I will not complain, I will not have a frown on my face, I will show a smile to people That is a responsibility to me that I have decided to make my own. I am not going to carry my troubles to other people.

Bridgette: For those listeners who can’t know my mom went into the hospital, she lost her living facilities where she was, because she couldn’t get back in time, which I just think is horrible. So here you were trying to recover and recoup, and the facility you were in said, you couldn’t do it quickly enough so you had to move out. My sister moved everything out of my mom’s home, packing as quickly as possible. That must just have felt horrible to have been in that situation.

Barbara: At the time I was in quite a bit of pain, so I was relieved that someone else was doing it. You never know. One box I was unpacking—I have to go back to the unpacking. Rachel, one of my other granddaughters was packing one of the boxes. She packed my teapot and it had tea in it. She packed it with the tea in it, and when I went to pull it out of the box, it started dripping all this wet stuff and I said, what is in here? Having someone else pack for you, is not the way you would pack. It was just helter skelter. I kept saying, it is still in storage, it is still in storage.And As I told you before, I am sort of a pack rat, but I’m also an organizer and early preparer, and I had Christmas presents bought way ahead of time, and I didn’t know where those were. And, Christmas came and went, and I had to tell people your present is somewhere in storage, I don’t know where. Now that I came up with everything piece meal. It has been a real experience.

Bridgette: So as you where laying in that bed and didn’t have a place to live, your job was to just get healthy. How did you get past that? You must have had to trust in God that everything was going to be okay.

Barbara: Oh yeah. Of course, lean on the Lord and not on y our own understanding, trust him with all of our heart.

But also, I leaned a lot on friends, and my other daughter leaned a lot on you. I was just trusting the Lord was with me. With me to get my heart and my mind and my spirit in order and my body healed. Although there was times when I thought it would never be because it was one more break, a broken leg that put me back in the hospital.I thought, “I am never going to get back. I’m never going to get back to any type of health again. But God is faithful and he has.”

Christina: I can sort of relate in a way to that. When I decided to move to Tulsa, I wasn’t in Tulsa. I was in Houston and my college roommate randomly also decided to move to Tulsa and we decided, hey, let’s be roommates. She had to come up here for a job interview, so she shopped for an apartment. And I had very little say of where we went, other than the pictures that I could see online and that sort of thing. It is hard and this is where I am going to live for a year, and I can’t pick it out and I’m not going to see it until I move in.It is a scary thing. And you have to really trust the people and trust her, and be like, she has good taste and a level head and she is going to pick a good place, but it is a little scary.

In that same sense, you didn’t have a place Gram. You didn’t have a place, other people are finding a place. ,That is a scary moment where you have do have to lean on God and trust the people around you and the friends and family that are doing things for you. It turned out great for me.I live in a great apartment, so kudos to my roommate, but you were saying that and that is what I was thinking about. That moment where I was thinking—where I was like—okay, I’m not going to see this place until the day I move in. Okay God. I’m okay with that. More of that releasing control and letting God take it. In that same sense, you were doing this same thing. I was just doing it at different stages in our lives, so it is kind of cool.

Barbara: You know if you are not okay with something. You said, I’m okay with that. If you are not okay with something like I was not okay with this one room when I first moved here.

Christina: Yeah.

Barbara: You just ask God to make you okay. All He needs is a crack.

Christina: Yeah.

Barbara: He can change your heart and change your mind. He can do it all.All He needs is a little crack of your will. Make me okay with it and He does.

Bridgette: That is really great. One of the things that I have been thinking about standing here in this middle generation is that, coming out of Christina’s, sadly, you know, my kids are grown and I’m done, is that I think you get to the point where you say I have made the accomplishments. I hate to say it, but you work so hard in your life and you say this is what I have accomplished. And yet, as soon as I get to this point where I say this is what I have accomplished and even God has accomplished in my life, I look towards Mom’s generation and I think I have to prepare for this. I have to prepare to let go of all of those things that I gathered together in my life. Frankly Mom, I’m not really looking forward to it but I know it is coming.I think that when we get to that stage, or when we start to go through the stage that you are going through it is really interesting, because if you hadn’t for some reason learned to depend upon God in this stage of your life, it almost forces you to turn to a higher power, don’t you think?

Barbara: I would think it would, but a lot of people still depend on their selves. They look for whatever, I don’t know how they manage. I really don’t. I can’t put my head where theirs is anymore. Because I look around me and I see all of the people in the facility that I live in and there are a couple people I know that trust in the Lord, but there are some that I know that don’t, and I don’t know how they get along day to day. I don’t know how anyone lives day to day without the Lord in their lives. I really can’t imagine.

Bridgette: Christina do you have any other comments on what Gramma said?

Christina: Yeah, I agree, I really don’t know how. I guess because I was raised in the church and believing in God in my life. I think it is always a searching and always questioning even when you believe in God there are still things you search and questions for you to ponder about, and I mean I am sure there is stuff that we will never have a hundred percent answers to. And there are always hard questions.

And I think it is funny, even those who don’t believe in God, and even those who do, we are all still asking the same questions. Why are we here? What is our purpose? Why do bad things happen to good people? We are still all asking the same questions.I think for me, I think I just have more peace about that. I’m like I don’t really have the answer to this, that is okay. I can deal with that because God has everything under control. Maybe I don’t’ need really to know the answer to that question.

Barbara: You know it occurs to me Bridge, that there are people listening that don’t have the heart understanding of God like we have and there aught to be a way to let them know how to get it. And since you are the host, you can do that. That is a good lead in.

Bridgette: Well if you don’t know, if you don’t have a heart understanding of God, it is very simple. Just say a prayer that you would like God to come into your life and be Lord and Savior of your life. And I encourage you to find other people, a church or a ministry, that you can get involved with so you can also have that community and that you can also have people like my mom and my daughter that you can share with, and that can help you through your difficult times and help you learn. On spot on radio.com, there is actually a place where you post your comments. If you have comments questions or thoughts that you would like us to talk about, we would be more than glad to hear from you. You can also post at http://www.godsword.net.

I thank you ladies for sharing your suggestions, your lives with everybody here. It just blesses my heart to be a part of this podcast with you two women, and I would like to ask, Mom could you say a quick prayer for anyone who may be listening that just needs a little hope.

Barbara: Yes Lord. I just ask that you reach your hand out and every women that is listening. Every woman that I have ever met—there was a time when I wondered if every women wasn’t hurting in some way. From past experiences, babyhood hurts and childhood hurts. If you would reach out and touch those women, and cause them to rise up and say, “I need help, I need help Lord I need you in my life, and maybe this podcast can help me.”Father that is what I ask today, that we just be a small hand that reaches out Your big hand to women who might be listening to us. In Jesus name I pray this.”Bridgette: Amen.

Christina: Amen.

Christina: I would like to add, I know we were talking about finding a church and getting plugged in, and I know I have been in Tulsa, ohh, upwards of 4 years working on 5, and I have just now found a church that I like. There are so many different kinds of churches out there. I encourage everyone, if you are just searching or if you are not really happy where you are right now, church hop, and its fine. Its okay to do that and find something that really suits you.

Even to the extent for me, I am in graphic design, and I’m in that whole visual art realm, and I’m in a church now that kind of caters to that. I know it seems silly, but it makes me feel good to know that my church is technology sound. There is awesome preaching and awesome worship, but it really fits me. A lot of people just go and that is super important, because a lot of people just go to what is near them and they are not fed, because it is not where they are supposed to be. And so, I encourage you, church hop. Call your friends and ask them where they are going, read different magazines and different stuff and highlights on church and do some web searches and find whatever really, really suits you. Because that is really where you are going to be fed and that is really where you will grow. I just wanted to throw that in there.

Bridgette: What is the name of the church you are going to?

Christina: Church on the Move in Tulsa.

Bridgette: I would like to add to that if you are one of those people that you are the only person in your family going to church, don’t despair. What I would suggest is find somebody else that you can go to church with. I am sure there is a senior citizen that lives nearby, that can’t drive or can’t get out that would love the opportunity of going to church on a regular basis. Or how about the youth in your neighborhood? You can contact some of the parents and ask them if you could possibly bring them to church.You may be making an incredibly difference in a youth’s life. Don’t despair, and get into the “oh woe is me,” if you are the only person going to church in your family.Well this podcast has gone a little long, but I want to thank you, and I also want to remind you about our sponsor, it is great to collect God’s Word in y our heart and give Gods Word as a gift. Please visit our sponsor at www.godsword.net.

Thank you ladies. As always it is an incredible joy and ministry to my heart to be with you. I look forward to our next podcast Ya’ll have a great day.

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